Am I dreaming?
by kipler
Summary: "Hmm. That's cool." She said, but really, an escape from reality sounded incredibly good to her that second. After all, what did she really have there? Her perfect, magical little sister had taken it all.  Petunia escapes to her dreams.


**AN: Hey guys! Here's another story with my favorite character pair, Petunia/Lily. I got this idea while I was at camp, and someone was talking about how this thing is supposed to work. And then, being the HP addict I am, thought, hey, what if Petunia did this and she dreamed about Hogwarts? So, when I got back, I sat down at a computer and wrote this. The last story I wrote was somthing I'd had for a while and lost interest in and then returned to it. **

**So anyway, the full summary of this story is that Petunia is going through a time of mixed emotions. Its nearing Christmas of Lily's first year of Hogwarts, and she's trying to convince herself that she doesn't care that Lily has magic powers and that her and everyone like her is a freak, but she know that really she's incredibly jealous and it's driving her crazy. So when her best friend, Yvonee, shows her a way to escape reality for a little bit, she takes it, even if it might hurt her later. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>"<em>In dreams we enter world that is entirely our own, where we can swim in the deepest ocean or glide above the highest cloud." ~Albus Dumbledore <em>

"So what exactly is the point of all this?" Petunia Evans asked of her best friend, Yvonne. They were both sitting on the floor of her room cross-legged, and Petunia was staring at the words that were now written on her arm in black marker: _Am I Dreaming?_

"You're supposed to look at it a few times a day, just so that you always know its there." Yvonne explained easily. "Then, when you're dreaming, the theory is that you'll see it and realize you aren't in actual reality. They say that when you know you're dreaming, you can control what happens in your dream."

"Hmm. That's cool." She said, but really, an escape from reality sounded incredibly good to her that second. After all, what did she really have there? Her perfect, magical little sister had taken it all. Shuddering, she realized her mistake. She should never have even thought the "M" word. That just wasn't something a normal person did. And to be honest, she tried not to think about Lily either.

Her little sister was beautiful, kind, smart, and perfect in every way. She was her parent's favorite, and nobody could even begin to dislike her, with the way she seemed to light up every room she walked into. But then, as the Evans family had discovered, Lily even had the magic too! A strange letter had shown up at their house, followed by a strange man who told strange tales of a strange world. And just like that, Lily was going away to go to a strange and wonderful school for magic. Real magic, the kind where you could make impossible things happen, not the kind that people did on street corners to earn a bit of money.

That was just too much for Petunia. Did the gods really dislike her so much that they gave her nothing while they gave Lily unearthly powers? That was simply unfair! She couldn't bear to listen to Lily go on and on about things she would experience someday but Petunia wouldn't. She barely knew her sister anymore! So she had written to the strange man who said he was headmaster of this school, and begged to be let in. And then, she was rejected yet again.

Petunia couldn't believe it! How could the world be this unfair? It was all because of that stupid magic that she no longer knew her sister. Maybe it could solve some problems. It would have been useful to have powers like that after she had broken her mother's favorite lamp, but ultimately, it would cause more than it could cure. It was not something to be associated with, and so the elder Evans worked to convince herself and the rest of the world that she really didn't care.

Well, maybe she convinced the rest of the world, but it's very near impossible to lie to yourself. In all honesty, Petunia wanted nothing more than to be her little sister, to be beautiful and loved by all, and to attend a wonderful school where she could learn magic instead of math. Just a few weeks ago, she had been driven almost to the point of insanity with longing, and had gone to her hair stylist and begged her to dye her hair an attention catching bright red. But later, she had realized how horrible it really looked, and had demanded she fix it. Now, her waist length hair was a hideous shade of pinkish-beige.

Getting up, Petunia walked in front of her full length mirror to check how she looked. She had on jeans, a white pop art t-shirt that exposed her midriff, sneakers, and a light blue beanie to cover her hair.. This was an obvious weekend look, but she couldn't help but think that Lily would have made it look glamorous. Her skin was pale, but healthy and glowing, while Petunia's pale skin looked sick and pasty. Lily's hair was a vibrant dark red, but hers was normally an average dirty blond, and now a bland pinkish-beige. And Petunia was especially jealous of Lily's lively emerald green eyes. Hers were the color of dry dirt, and conveyed almost no emotion at all.

Sighing, Petunia turned around to face the dark haired beauty that was her friend. Though she knew she was extremely lucky to have her, she would never be able to guess why this girl was her friend and she was one of the popular people all because of her, she was extremely jealous. Yvonne was an only child, and so she had no sibling to compete with. She couldn't tell her this though, because that would mean admitting her jealously.

"Alright, I think you should go now. It's getting close to dinner." Petunia decided it was a good time to end this.

Yvonne looked confused, but got up. "Ok. Well, see you at school tomorrow." Then she left. Petunia lay on her bed, staring at the letters on her arm. If she did realize she was dreaming sometime, she knew where she would go, even if it would only hurt her later.

The next day, Petunia got up and dressed in her school uniform, adding a grey beanie to cover her hair, even though the teachers would make her take it off. School passed just as slowly as always. Lily had mentioned some of her schedule in her letters, and all day Petunia couldn't help up imagine what she was doing right then. It was 8:00, and she would probably be at breakfast, or, she might even still be in bed if she wasn't hungry. During lunch hour, she imagined what kinds of wonderful food Lily was eating, while she picked at her soggy salad. In the afternoon, while Petunia was in her history class, she remembered that History of Magic was on Monday afternoons for Lily. Lily had said that it was insanely boring, but giant wars and goblin rebellions sounded a lot more interesting than the crusades. Then, when she got home and started her homework, she couldn't help but think about how though Lily was probably still in class, hers were more spread out, but as a result she had more free time in between to be with all her friends or do whatever, and how that meant she didn't have to do homework at night. Petunia stared down at her chemistry book and wished she could be anywhere else.

But the best thing that had happened all day is that Petunia had started to expect to see those words on her arm when she looked down. So, maybe in her dream, she would finally be able to go where she couldn't in real life.

Giving up on the work she had left, Petunia went downstairs to make herself dinner, ate it quickly, and then readied herself for bed. Her parents were out, and they didn't care enough to leave a pre-prepared meal in the fridge. The combination of her comfortable pajamas and the warm sheets in the dead of winter seemed to lull her to sleep before she could really think about what sleeping meant. Normally, it would just be nightmares she could never remember in the morning, but if anything good ever happened to her, she might actually be able to escape that for the night.

_She's running. She can't tell where, but she's running. Behind her, they yell insults, but all she can hear is a loud buzzing, the occasional word breaking through. _

"_Ugly!" "Stupid!" "Useless!" _

_The mob behind her seems to be growing. Several people she recognizes from school join, her crush, all her friends, and the worst: Yvonne runs to the front and leads them all. The buzzing keeps growing louder, and Petunia runs faster, but even though the mob looks to be walking, they are gaining on her. "Make it stop!" She yells, and throws her hands over her ears. Then she sees it_. Am I dreaming?_ Those life saving words are written on her arm. It's a dream! _

"_This is a dream!" She shouts, and prays that she will somehow get to any other place, preferably the place she would give anything to go to. A door appears, standing alone in the middle of the road, and she runs through it without even thinking. _

_Panting, she slows down when he hears a more distinct thud of her shoes on the ground. It's strangely quiet. Looking down, she sees that that's because the floor is made of stone blocks and her black leather shoes that she is sure she wasn't wearing moments before have modest and manageable four centimeter heels. In fact, she is in a complete but messily put on school uniform. The red and gold striped tie sets it apart from normal uniforms. Looking up, she realizes she is inside, in a round room completely made out of stone with five beds. Only one is vacated, that must be her own. The rest are filled with slumbering girls about her own age. _

_Looking behind her to check for the mob, she sees instead an open door to a magnificent bathroom, where she must have just come from, based on her wet hair. Inside, the floor is tiled in a red and gold checkerboard pattern. Across from the door, there is a red stone counter top with three golden sinks, and large mirror with a gold frame that reflects three painted red stalls that probably have golden toilets inside them. _

_Yes, they do. She can remember using them many times now, even though she just got here, from her nightmare. But, this is obviously Hogwarts, and she doesn't want this to be a dream, so as memories of her previous dream slip away, memories of her life at her dream school and life come in. Three years of wonderful memories. She can remember taking a shower just a few minutes ago, the small archway next to the sinks leads to them, tiled floors and walls, scarlet curtains, and gold curtain rods and shower heads. Every shower here is perfect, with endless hot water, perfect water pressure, and the shower heads seem to read your mind, angling themselves so that the water hits your back and your scalp exactly where you want it. _

_She walks over to the counter and looks in the mirror. Her dark red hair is wet and limp, but it still looks amazing. Her eyes are alive even though it is the morning, and her pale skin seems to be aglow. She looks just like Lily, just like she always wanted. Then she realizes why she was running out of the bathroom with her uniform only half on. _

"_Girls!" She screams, running into the main room. "Girls! It's 8:15! Get up!" She throws her winter pajamas on the bed ( a white tank-top with a purple Hogwarts crest and a pair of comfy gold and red plaid pants with Gryffindor written across the butt. She had changed the colors and drawn the crest and the word once with her wand once she had learned the spells. She was a third year after all, and a very smart one at that), and starts to shake each girl a bit. _

"_Petunia!" One girl with naturally tan skin and black hair groans. Her name is Maya. _

"_Get up!" Petunia says again, relentless. _

"_But it's too early!" another girl with slightly lighter skin and mousy brown hair complains. _

"_Amber, it's 8:15! If you don't get up now, we'll miss breakfast!" _

"_Why don't you just go without us?" Another girl, Phoebe asks, sitting up and blearily rubbing her eyes. She has super pale skin and light blond hair. _

"_Because you guys would get mad at me if I let you over sleep. Besides, I don't ditch people. I'm not that kind of person." _

"_Well, I'm hungry." Says the last girl, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. She is bigger than most of the others, more muscular, making her the beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. She has skin the color of chocolate, and though she might scare you at first, Lila (short for Delilah) is really quite friendly. _

"_C'mon you lot. Up with you." _

_Petunia's friends groan, and she can hear some of them calling her bad names under their breath. But she doesn't mind it. They intend for her to hear, she knows they still love her._

_It's about twenty minutes before they make it downstairs to the dining hall. By that time, Petunia's uniform is on correctly and though her hair is still wet, it's much neater. As she walks to take her seat at the Gryffindor table, it catches the light and nearly everyone's attention. Lily is sitting on the end of the table closest to the staff table with the other first years. "Hi, Tuney!" She calls out, but Petunia only gives a slight wave in response. Their relationship is good, the very picture of how sisters should be, but friends her own age are a lot more fun. _

_The other girls are still grumbling, though this time about how they only have fifteen minutes to eat ("It's entirely your fault!" Petunia reminds them), but that doesn't stop Petunia from loading her plate with all of her favorite breakfast foods: eggs, bacon, toast, fried tomatoes, a small bowl of porridge, and deciding to take a break from her favorite pumpkin juice, she fills her goblet with orange juice instead. It's good, but it feels so plain and muggle without the pumpkin spice she's so used to. _

_They all eat quickly even though they are laughing and talking the whole time, so by the time they leave, they all feel well fed and are in a much better mood. _

_The first class after breakfast is double potions, which Petunia is pretty good at. She remembers a time when she was confined to chemistry. How horrible that had been. Then, they have a short break in which she manages to finish the History of Magic essay that is due for the next class. After History of Magic, they have lunch, where Petunia once again eats heartily, stuffing herself with turkey sandwiches and fries. There is stew as well, so she has a lot of that. The stew here is one of her favorites, a classic food she could eat for days. All the homework she has for the day can be put off, so she spends the longer break after lunch sitting in the common room with her friends, while she flirts with her incredibly good looking crush who obviously likes her back. _

_After that, she has charms, then divination, then another break in which she does a bit of the star chart she was just assigned. Of course, she doesn't get much done because she's with her friends. After that, she has Defense against the Dark Arts, one of the most exciting subjects, then she goes to dinner, which is even better than the other meals. Tonight there is beef casserole, and Shepard's pie (Petunia's overall favorite), accompanied by peas and carrots. She's stuffed by the time desert comes out, but, always up for some fun, she accepts when her crush challenges her to an ice cream eating contest, and then she cant help but have some apple pie with it. _

_That night, the girls use their free time to try and seriously get their homework done, but it's near impossible so they have to split up and sit in different places of the room. Petunia manages to get all her homework done, so she won't have much tomorrow. _

_At around ten, they go up to put their pajamas on, and the lounge on their beds for a while, while they talk. The warm flannel pajama pants Petunia is wearing, plus the soft golden sheets and the warm red comforter seem to be enchanted, for it's not long before Petunia insists they turn out the lights. But that doesn't stop them from talking for another hour. By the time they finally agree they should go to sleep, Petunia is sure that she's never been this tired or even this happy. Closing her eyes, she would be able to fall into a deep slumber, but there's this beeping—keeping her awake—it won't go away— _

Petunia groaned. She swung her hand out messily and hit her alarm clock, effectively stopping the annoying beeping. Despite that though, she was very happy. Well, she had a reason to be. She was at Hogwarts, the best place in the world, and she had the best friends, and the best classes, and the best food, the best of everything really. Opening her eyes, Petunia welcomed the sight of homely grey stone, but instead she saw the powder blue wall of her room at home. She sat up quickly and rubbed her eyes. This couldn't be happening. She was just there last night! How was she here? This was impossible! But—but it wasn't impossible. The phrase _in your dreams_ applied here. It had all been a dream. And though it had been wonderful, it had limits. Dreams were simply wishful thinking, while reality could actually happen.

Rolling over on her side, Petunia silently let the tears fall. For once, she didn't even care that her sheets would get stained and she let them fall freely. What she wouldn't do to have them be gold instead of plain old white. How she wished her comforter was red instead of dark blue. Or really, she wouldn't care what house she was in if she could just be a student at Hogwarts. Even Slytherin, that house that Lily detested except for Severus, the boy Petunia detested. She would even be in Slytherin if it gave her a chance to learn magic.

But she couldn't. Ever. It was just a dream. And so, Petunia decided that dreams were worthless. They couldn't get you anywhere and they would only hurt you later. And magic too. It had ruined everything for her. Her relationship with her sister, her chances of having a normal life, she couldn't even go through the day without imagining would she could be doing if she had been the lucky one. Dreams were useless, so was magic, Lily was simply unfair. All those things, she promised herself, would never enter her life again.

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><p><strong>AN: So? What did you think? Love it? Hate it? Reviews are always so appreciated! <strong>

**Anyway, This story, as well as most of the stories I write are mostly just me being self indulgent. But I was thinking, it would be so fun to just write a story with lots of little drabbles, like dreams petunia has of being like lily, (I love writing those) and petunia being just plain jealous? I also want to write a couple more one-shots about Petunia writing the letter to Dumbledore, or I even have one I want to write about Lily going to Petunia's school dance, as far fetched as that is. **

**So, what I'm wondering is would anyone read those? Well, actually, I guess I'm asking would anyone read the drabble I would probably call Petunia's dreams? (I'm going to write the one shots anyway.) So, if that sounds interesting to anyone, please let me know! As a writer, the hardest part for me is holding back a little, and not being completley self indulgent, because no one wants to hear what I'm thinking all the time. **

**I love you all for reading!**

**~Kipler **


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